My Grandmother

As most of you that would be reading this know, my precious grandmother passed away this year on Valentine's Day. It devastated everyone in my family and many, many other's that knew her. She touched so many people's lives, not just her family's. I was very close to her. I used to spend every summer at her and my Papaw's house with some of my cousins. Everyone seemed to love her! She just had that effect on people. She was a no-nonsense, tell it like is kind of person, but people were still drawn to her even if they didn't like what she had to say and didn't want to hear it lol! I could never have imagined my life without my Mamaw in it. It is still so hard for me to believe that she's really gone. Sometimes I will see something or hear something and I think to myself, "I have to tell Mamaw about this," and then it hits me that she's not here anymore. My mother gave her a necklace years ago that my grandmother wore all the time, and never took off. This past Summer when I was visiting her at her house one day, she took that necklace off and gave it to me. I was so shocked that she even took it off to begin with, lol! Now I wear it all the time and never take it off. =)

When she passed away, I think I was in a state of shock. I felt sad, but everything just seemed unreal and I didn't cry much. Even at her service. Of course I cried some, but I didn't totally break down like I thought I would if I ever had to face that. When we got back here to Killeen though, it really hit me -- hard. I was just totally depressed and crying a lot and didn't feel like doing anything at all. I just wanted to stay in bed and cry. A few days later I had a dream about her and in my dream she told me that it is okay to grieve, but not to let it consume me. She told me that she is happy. I felt a lot better after that because I really believe that she was speaking to me, even though it was a dream. She never liked it when people cried...it got on her nerves lol!!!

Since then, there have been just little things that have happened to make me KNOW that she is watching over me, as I'm sure she is with all of us. Mostly it's in dreams. The other day I was in my room and I have a picture of her in a frame in there and it just suddenly fell. I was like yup...she wanted me to know that SHE did that, lol! But today something really cool happened. I was driving home on my way back from the store and the song, "The Dance" came on the radio. That is one of the songs that was played at her service. I just kinda smiled and said outloud, "You are here with me right now aren't you Mamaw?" Right after I said that, another song came on. "Holes in the floor of Heaven." She LOVED that song. I remember listening to it with her all the time with my cousin, Kerri. It was also a song that was played at her service. I haven't even heard that song come on the radio in SO long! I definitely knew then that she really was with me and she was going to let me know it! =)

I miss her everyday. I think about her all the time. Most days I am fine, but I definitely have my moments. When that happened today it was a little sad, but it also made me feel really happy because I knew she was there and that she is watching over us all the time.


I love you Mamaw Gloria! "More and more and more!"